The beautY OF imperfectION
“We are all wonderful, beautiful wrecks. That's what connects us - that we're all broken, all beautifully imperfect.” ― Emilio Estevez
I recently came across the Japanese Art of Kintsugi. It’s the practice of putting broken pieces of pottery together again with lacquer and gold dust. When the object has been repaired, the gold highlights its imperfection, celebrating its flaws and brokenness.
After my burnout, I found it hard to see any beauty in my brokenness. I had reached the edge of a cliff and had fallen off. In my mind, I’d failed.
I failed to stay well.
I failed to be there for the people who needed me.
I failed because I wasn’t enough.
I felt so ashamed.
We work in a system that sets unachievable workloads. It’s constantly demanding more from us than we can give. So, we work harder and harder, and we try to be perfect - perfect leaders, perfect teachers, perfect partners, perfect parents, etc.
Perfectionism affects how we feel about ourselves and how we behave. We end up:
Avoiding risk - for fear of making mistakes.
Feeling a sense of dread – that things will go wrong and that we’ll be found out.
Being hard on ourselves… I should do this… I ought to be.
Trying to hide our flaws and imperfections.
Being ashamed of who we are.
In Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown (2021) outlines three pillars of shame:
1. We all experience shame. It is universal.
2. It’s not easy to talk about shame. Even mentioning the word “shame” can lead to an experience of the emotion itself and evoke a strong sense of fear.
3. Talking about shame brings a sense of control. A control that gives us the strength to overcome our feelings and move forward with our lives.
She says that by talking about shame, we can “cut it off at the knees.” I like that idea.
When I finally found the confidence to speak out, I was amazed. So many other people started sharing their experiences with me - stories of real courage, strength and resilience. Talking about my shame helped me accept that I’m human and that being human is enough. Of course, we all experience difficulties and traumatic events. But it’s our most challenging life events that help to make us unique.
I had failed… that’s true…but not in the way that I had thought.
I’d failed to recognise that so many other people feel the same.
I’d forgotten to be kind to myself - to prioritise my needs and to see my worth.
I’d failed to see that making mistakes and being imperfect is okay. For that’s all we can ever be.
There is no such thing as a problem-free life. We are all broken and imperfect and doing our best to figure it out as we go along. I love that with Kintsugi, the aim is not to hide the damage or the weakness but rather to celebrate it and see its beauty. So next time you face adversity, treat yourself with care, love and kindness. Shine a light on your courage, strength and resilience and preserve the moment with gold.
“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” – Gerard Way
