THE ART OF KINDNESS

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” 

“Kind,” said the boy.

You may have heard this before. It’s from a book that I really love called ‘The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy. It’s one of those books that I keep going back to. It’s about four friends and the bond they share, and it’s filled with wonderful ink drawings and heartfelt messages about love, friendship, vulnerability and kindness.

I think kindness is underrated, especially in leadership.

When I think about kindness, I think of a visit I made to the doctor’s surgery about four years ago. I was sitting there, awaiting my turn, when the front door opened, and an elderly man came in. He was using a walking stick, and he moves incredibly slowly as he made his way towards the reception desk.  I could see he was in pain with every step he took.

“Hello. I’m here for my appointment,” he said. “I’m so sorry I’m a bit late.”

He gave his name to the receptionist.

“Well, you’ve missed your slot.  You won’t be able to see a doctor now.”

“I really am sorry,” he said, “but the bus got stuck in traffic.”

“You should have got off and walked,” she said.

I looked at her – astonished by her response. She continued.

“You won’t be able to see a doctor today; you’ll just have to come back another time.” And with that, she turned away from him and returned to her paperwork.

The man stood there for a while, holding on to the counter and then slowly shuffled across the room and out of the door.

I’ve observed the reception staff a few times when I’ve been to the surgery, and I’m struck by their lack of kindness. It seems astonishing to me that there could be such limited compassion in a place that should be all about care.

I think about the scene with the old man, and I imagine it happening all over again.

The elderly man shuffles across the room to the reception desk.

“Hello. I’m here for my appointment,” he says. “I’m so sorry I’m a bit late.” He gives his name to the receptionist.

“Oh dear,” she says. “I’m so sorry, but you’ve missed your appointment. We’re so busy today. Please take a seat – you look absolutely exhausted. Can I get you a glass of water?”

The man nods.

She pours a glass of water and gives it to the man.

“Thank you,” he says.

“I’ll have a look to see when the first available appointment is, or I can try to get you a phone appointment to save you from coming back in if you’d prefer.”

The man nods.

“I’m so sorry about this. Would you like me to book you a taxi to go home, or is there anyone I could ring to pick you up?”

“Thank you so much,” says the man. “You’re very kind.”

It’s the same message – You’ve missed your doctor’s appointment, and there are no other appointments available today. The only difference is kindness.

Yes, kindness is underrated, and by some in leadership, it’s actually scorned. They think you need to be fierce and mean.  They equate kindness to weakness. Jacinda Ardern, the Prime Minister of New Zealand, has experienced just that.

“One of the criticisms I’ve faced over the years is that I’m not aggressive enough or assertive enough, or maybe somehow, because I’m empathetic, it means I’m weak.  I totally rebel against that.  I refuse to believe that you cannot be both compassionate and strong.”

Being a kind leader doesn’t mean you can’t make tough decisions or have difficult conversations, and it doesn’t mean you won’t act if you believe something is wrong. It simply means you bring humanity to what you do. ‘You focus on the delivery of the message as much as the message itself.’ (Forbes)

It was Maya Angelo who said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

I think that’s a good guide for life. I wonder how that man felt.

“Kindness is probably my number one attribute in a human being. I'll put it before any of the things like courage or bravery or generosity or anything else.”

That was Roald Dahl.

I think about the many bosses that I’ve had in my career…and the ones that stand out are the ones who were kind. The ones who used their hearts as well as their heads. The ones who had the courage to be themselves and to show up with compassion and humanity.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Kind.

I think that’s a marvellous aspiration!